How to Annoy the Jak and Daxter Characters
by Matryoshka-Sweetheart
Summary: <html><head></head>So, I've read How to annoy/p-off characters of anime and video games and yea so I got the idea to do it for one of my fave games Jak and daxter! Dont like it, dont flame or leave hateful comments. Warning...meant to be a joke! :D First Chapter: Gol A.</html>
1. Gol

Hi everyone! Ok, so I decided to make a brief series on how one could annoy the characters of Jak and Daxter. I'll arrange them but order but I'll probably post characters from different series as a separate part of the "trilogy'" (I'll _think about doing Daxter and Jak X. It'll take me plenty of reviews to enable me to even think about considering doing the Last Frontier. WARNING: It is NOT recommended that you attempt to annoy any of these characters without appropriate safety measures! _

_WARNING # 2: Tread carefully; there be spoilers for the TPL for those who haven't played it all the way through!_

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy. This media is owned my Naughty Dog and I am just a fan (girl). Ok, and let the torture, whoops, fun begin!**

First victim, err, person is Gol Acheron: The Dark Sage

- Canon Appearance (The Precursor Legacy—Lookalikes appear in Daxter.)Villain

Ask him continually how many packs he smoked per day to achieve such a raspy speaking voice

Tell him Darth Vader called: He wants his voice back

-Better yet, convince him Vader's suing him for copyright infringement on his loud, gasping breathing

Follow him around singing "We're not gonna take it!" loudly and frequently as possible until he threatens to toss you into the nearest dark eco silo.

Post as many pictures as you can find of Dee Snider throughout the Acherons' citadel.

Steal his cloak and dye it pink

Whenever he's in earshot, snicker loudly at how he was beaten by a short (how tall is Jak in TPL anyway? Oo) 15 year old and a talking 'rat'. (Sorry, Dax, no offense.)

Insist on calling him Dee as much as possible.

A classic: Post a kick-me sign on his back (how'll one will be able to kick him when he floats to places, one can only imagine)

Whenever you see him ask: "So, what's the drug of the day?"

Trick him into going to rehab clinic

Dress up as Samos the Sage: follow Gol around nagging him about the dangers of dark eco. Be sure to make it look convincing!

Put pink/blue/yellow/red/green dye into the dark eco silos. RUN!

Better yet, mix white eco in with the dark eco silos

Prop a bucket of white paint to drop onto Gol's head when he enters a room. When it splatters on him yell: Light eco! It does exist!

When he's doing an monologue to the heroes, throw cough drops at him

When he's not aware, replace his weights with beach balls. Point and laugh when he floats away mid-rant

Rig the citadel to play "I'm Blue" at the worst times possible of when he starts speaking or when it's nice and early.

Call him the Blue Meanie

Ask him if wearing only one sleeve of his robe makes him "feel pretty".

Ask frequently if one of his parents were lurkers and if that's why he had a lurker jaw.

Question on how he can fly with those heavy weights when he's so scrawny?

Call him Grandpa Blue whenever you see him

During the big battle climax, have the precursor robot rigged to fire glitter and streamers

Ask him if he uses L'Oreal in order for his hair to be able to move so wonderfully in the wind

Sew ribbons and bows onto his clothes

Build an mp3 into his belt to play Barbie Girl every so often. Hopefully it'll go off when he and his sister are trying to kidnap the sages or doing a monologue.

Paint the citadel bright cheerful colors (this may annoy Maia as well…..)

Run up to him and hug him incessantly for no reason

Point at his red eyes and shriek 'Vampire!" and throw things at him

OK! I think that's enough tips on how to torture Gol….. But if you have any ideas on how to torture the characters (and if you want to add to the Gol list, feel free) put them in a review or PM me! And sorry if these ideas sucked… but yea, hopefully they're a little funny at least….

*door slams open!*

Voice: YOU!

Me: *in a squeaky voice… G-Gol! W-what are you doing here…. And how'd you find me….

Gol: *menacilingy, looming over me* .….

Me: A-about what, sir? *notices a paper in his hand* Oh…..

Gol: *grabs me by the shirt* let's go….

Me: Send in your reviews! HELP ME!*is dragged away*


	2. Daxter

Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for your reviews *hugs you all*! Ok, the next character I will do is… drumroll please? *silence* Hmm… Ahhh, well, anyway, the next character is TA-DA! Daxter, best friend to the main protagonist himself!

**Disclaimer**: No, Jak and Daxter and all of its characters and content belong to Naughty Dog, dang it! If I owned Jak and Daxter, Gol & Maia would've reappeared in the games by now!

So let's get to it oh, and also if anyone has any suggestions for nay character let me know in a PM! I'll even add to characters already posted. Well, without further ado,

Daxter: Canon- (_The Precursor Legacy_, _Jak II, Jak 3, Jak X, Daxter and the Lost Frontier) Ally/"hero"._

While he's asleep or um, indisposed *cough-drunk-cough* dye his fur pink. Neon pink. Blame Torn. Take pictures and be sure to post them all over Haven City (or wherever the duo happens to be residing at the time).

Shave his fur. Be ready to flee from the no-longer orange lightning.

Write a very lemony fan fiction pairing him with Torn. Be sure to make copies and show them to everyone. Hopefully, Jak will be able to restrain them both.

4b. or, find M-rated slash fiction pairing him with Samos, Erol, Jak, or Pecker and leave it for him to find.

Throw out every alcoholic beverage in the Naughty Ottsel and replace it with wholesome milk, juice and water.

Splash water on him, claiming you thought he was a goldfish (IMO… his coloring does remind me of a goldfish Oo)

Set him up on a blind date with Krew

Pester him as often as you can asking him why he didn't wish to return to his elf/humanoid form when he had the chance

Redecorate the Naughty Ottsel with posters of graphic, hardcore yaoi which feature him with Jak, Krew, Torn, and Erol. Run. Just run.

Dress up as the yellow sage and chase him around, shouting "Time for some muskrat stew!"

Point out often how he looks much better he looks as an ottsel than as an elf/humanoid.

Chastise him continuously at how he took two years to find Jak and boast a yakow could've found him in less than half the time.

When he goes off telling one of his exaggerated tales, make fake, huge yawns and keep coughing *bull-crap, frequently cutting him off.

Ask him how Jak is. If/when he answers smirk and say, "Oh, really…."

Pretend to study him for a period of time. When he asks about this, shriek "Ahhh! The trophy's alive!"

Call the health department on him, saying, "How sanitary can a place be if it's run by a _rat?_

Rub him vigorously against a carpet. Refuse to call him nothing but Fluffy for days.

Spread a rumor saying Daxter has a crush on the Baron. Or Torn.

Send love letters to the main male characters of the game, forging Daxter's signature

Trick Daxter into saying 'I love you", while secretly videotaping it. Send it Sig, Ashelin, Torn, and Jak.

Whenever he hurts himself, point and laughing, yelling "Karma!"

Steal his new pants the precursors gave them and "accidentally" shrink them in the wash.

Run up to him and slap him for no reason. When he asks why, slap him again shouting, "Get out of my head! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Tie him to a chair and force him to watch you burn down the naughty ottsel

Convince him Gol has returned and has agreed to turn him back into normal. Send him straight to an AA meeting.

Keep calling him cute pet names and embarrassing renditions of his own name until he pulls a peacemaker on you

While he's asleep, put toothpaste over his mouth and shriek at the top of your lungs, "Rabies! He has rabies!"

Send him creepy, stalkerish love letters

OK! That's Daxter's list! Only two ideas shorter than Gol's was! But, if you have any suggestions feel free to tell me! Sorry if these sucked, but; Until next time I- BAM!

Voice: THERE SHE IS!

Me: Lolwhut? *turns to see a very pissed off Daxter with Torn, Jak and pretty much most of the main characters) Um… hey guys…. What's up?

Daxter: You psycho fan girl! You know why we're here!

Me: Um… to shower me with love and affection? *is suddenly being rrstained by Torn and Sig* Eep!

Daxter: Prepare for an extremely slow and painful death….

-Flash of light and sharp burst of dark eco electricity-

Me: *turns to see Dark Jak staring at me… * in tiny voice: Mommy….

So, do I get away? Am I ruthlessly murdered? Well, send in reviews and find out!

Dark Jak: *snarls*


	3. Krew

Hi everyone, guess what time it is?

Maia: Summer time?

Me: OO'''''' GTFO.

Maia: 'K *leaves*

Wow, usually she's nowhere near that compliant. Hooray for extreme OOC-ness! Ok anyway, I'm back after narrowly escaping the cluthes of several POed characters from Jak and Daxter. Oh and sure thing The Repo Man.

Me: Hey Dark Jaaaaaak!

DJ: *growl*

Me: *nervous laugh* The Repo Man says hi! Oh and I wanted to thank you for not killing me and helping me escape….. *hugs*

DJ: *satisfied smirk*

Me:… Yea… ok.. Please don't look at me like that. *DJ starts to advance towards me* I'm warning you! *holds spray bottle*

DJ: *backs off, begrudingly.*

Me: We can play hide and go seek later right now it's time for a new update! But first, yes, littleLaralevin, I managed to survive Dark Jak… with a plot twist. Light Jak! =D Yaay! Ok, here we go. The next character for us to torture is….drumroll please *silence* *sniff, sniff* I will not cry…. *Dark Jak hugs me* Thank you *hb* the next character is…. Krew! This is going to be so much fun…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Jak and Daxter… must I keep doing this….

-ok and ooooo! I got a cool list from Weird little street rat on how I should torture, uh, have fun with Krew so I will put these first and then I'll mark ones I came up with.. Hopefully this won't be more than a couple of pages. Mwahahah.

When you see him, make remarks about how his legs are bigger & stronger than his junk (O/O. oh, lol)

Frequently ask him how long he sleeps per day and how it can even work at all (seriously, yea, so much for the concept of beauty sleep, huh XD)

Every time you spot him going near a machine, shriek, "Don't Blow!"

Have The Kid/Little Jak jump/bounce on him like a trampoline (hopefully the kid doesn't go bouncing through the ceiling…. Oo)

During a conversation with him/or just even passing by, suddenly look all scared senseless and shout, " Look out! Dark Jak's behind you and he has barbeque sauce!- then tease him casually, saying, "That's what it's like to be your food." (Dark Jak: *is inspired* No, bad dark alter ego! *swats*)

Gather people to sing to him, "Big Bottom Krew , he makes this rocking world's earthquake!"

**Following up on the legs thing, ask often how he has such twiggy little legs when the rest of him's impossibly, obscenely ginormous

Claim is he ever fell doesn't, the planet would crack in half

Mimic his accent and refuse to speak to him without it

Photoshop of a picture of him while he sleeps so he appears to be wearing a diaper. Blow it up with the caption, "World's Largest Infant". Distance yourself from Haven city.

Convince him the Underground's about to double cross him. Hope Torn or the Shadow doesn't find out If they do, run for it!

Pester him with questions such as "Is Rayne adopted?" "How can someone so big procreate without crushing their mate?" and so on.

Replace every drink in the Hip Hog with slim fast.

Poke him with a needle. When he gets in your face about his, exclaim what a miracle it was that he didn't pop

Put up cardboard cutouts of him in the gun course

Spray graffiti all over the Saloon with sayings like, "Krew and so-and-so" forever

Sing the Happy song over and over until he threatens to have you knee-capped

Steal his rings and sell them to the poorer population of haven

Lock him in a room with Dark Jak

Sneak up behind him and give him a wedgie

Reveal his true motives to the Underground. Lock him in a room with Torn/ Samos/Metal Kor and enjoy the show

Steal his hover. Thing and rebuild it into a slurpee machine

Turn the saloon into an arcade

Tell him the best way to lose weight is to buy a scale that lies

Let a bunch of metal heads wreak havoc throughout the saloon

Hmmm, from seven to twenty five is what I thought of and I think it's the shortest one yet , so if any of you want to give me more ideas for Krew let me know so I can add it. Next up, a certain red-head… and shhhh don't tell Krew where DJ and I are hiding... Torn and Daxter and are still mad about the yaoi….. And Gol still wants to feed me to his lurker armies….

Dark Jak* cuddles me protectively*

Me: smiles* yay. Send in your reviews!


	4. Torn

Hi guys! Omigosh, omigosh, what's this? Another chapter!

Dark Jak *snickers then rests his head on my shoulder*

Hmm, I love you too, Dark. *happy face * Ok, since we have some time in this hidden bunker somewhere away from the angry Jak and Daxter cast, let's see who else we should torture. I know, Torn!

*somewhere*Torn: *sneezes several times in a row*

Keira: You ok?

Torn: Yeah, but I think someone's talking about me (**1)**….

**Disclaimer: **Jak and Daxter… Not mine …..

Torn- role- Ally, Canon (Jak II-Jak X.)

During a briefing, pretend to be sleeping and yawn with exaggeration (Hmm, do this enough times and he may be tempted to kick you out of the Underground….)

Convince him to take a picture with you and other people (if you want). Make the bunny ears sign on his head. Make yourself scarce when the pictures are developed

Play knock-knock ditch on the Underground door. Run if he opens the door holding his pistols

When no one's around, doodle on his maps. Better yet write things like "Daxter Loves Torn" or "Torn loves Erol". Blame Daxter. Come clean if Daxter's in imminent danger of losing more than his fur. Then, just run.

Steal his dagger. Paint it orange. He'll know who to go after (cough-Daxter-cough. Hmm, does this make me a DaxterXTorn shipper? Oo''')

Steal hiss dagger. Lose it. Run from the angry tattooed ex- KG commander.

Again with the dagger. Have it melted down into pretty jewelry. Give it to Ashelin. That way, the chances of him killing you lower if she likes it and thinks Torn had it made for it.

Follow him around singing, THE "Torn and Ashelin sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…." over and over until he pulls a weapon on you.

Frequently bring up him selling out the Underground with the words, "Nice going, Tattooed _Blunder."_

When he's asleep, blast the Caramelldansen at top volume-make sure to get good earphones so he gets the full effect! Make yourself scarce.

While he's discussing battle plans, randomly start laughing multiple times

Keep asking him if he has a permanent case of laryngitis and if he wants to see a doctor

Fill the Underground with lots of cough syrup

Stare at him. When he asks why smirks, and says, "New faces make me nervous."

Sneak up behind him and shout, at the top of your lungs, "BOO!"

When he's scowling, run up to him and say, "You're so cute when you make that face!"

Whenever he's in a foul mood ask numerous times if he needs a hug

While he's asleep, carefully color his tattoos pink, yellow and any other feminine color you can find. Take pictures! And again, make copies to pass around. You may want Jak around to use as a shield.

Switch his underwear with Hello Kitty/Care Bears/ or unicorn underwear. Pants him during a battle or during a tense, but non battle atmosphere

Put hair dye in any shampoo he uses. Make sure it'll turn his hair pink or blonde!

Attack his face with an eraser.

Call him Cutter/Garcia or Mitchell. Refuse to stop until he physically threatens you

Ask him if he took his happy pills this morning incessantly

Put band aids all over his face while he sleeps. When he's about to stab you for it, say you were trying to make all his boo-boos better

Chase him with a needle

Have the other underground members randomly start dancing whenever there's a meeting

Whenever he's in earshot, proclaim Erol was a much better KG commander

And don't forget the yaoi!

Make plenty of jokes out of his name, like, "Torn apart, torn asunder," etc.

Continually ask him if he took speech lessons from Gol.

Hmmm… I think that's a good list for Torn at least for now (and I'm not sure, but I think it's longer than Gol's! )

Once again! If anyone has any suggestions they want to contribute, PM and I'll be sure to add them to the list! Sorry if these were a bit lame.

**(1)- **Japanese superstition that says if you talk about a person, they will sneeze. I learned about this when I was watching Sera Myu (sailor moon musical) on YT!

Meanwhile-

Gol: Continue your search for that fan girl menace.*Gasp8 If she possesses any more ridiculous How-To suggestions.*GASP* you know what to do…

Torn*pops up* YES! Bring her to the Underground.. ... I have a few words for her *sharpens blade*

Daxter: I swear if I see her I'm gonna toss her in front of the nearest hellcat cruiser!

Meanwhile-

Me: *is watching them from a conveniently placed device* Crap, I'm screwed. DJ, you still love me, right? *silence* Dark Jak? *looks but sees no one there* I'm scared! Dark Jak!

*hears footsteps* Oh, phew. *static from the device-thing* Hmm? *sees that the others' location is…. A few yards from hiding place.* *whispers: FML…

O it seems as though somehow (I blame Gol's teleportation powers…. Gol: Mwahahaha! We're coming for you…." Me: Ahhhhh!) That the cast is getting closer and closer to my hiding location.. And Dark Jak has gone missing…. Did... did he fall through a rift or something?

Dark Jak *pops up suddenly next to me* Eep!

Me: *hugs him* *whispers-There you are, bad news, we have company and it's not going to be fun….

Well, 'till next time! Hopefully, I can come up with a credible story of why dark Jak disappeared on me like that!


	5. Maia

*pokes head in* before anyone sends me reviews scolding me for not updating as frequently as I had when I started this, let's do the **disclaimer**: I DON"T own Jak and Daxter, dang it!

Hi, everyone, yea I know it's been, what, six days since I last updated gomenasai! But first, *ahem* :) Ok, well, the last chapter to "how to Annoy Jak/Daxter characters" left us with pointers on how to annoy Krew! It also left me getting closer to being discovered... *ohnoes!* let's see who all is there:

Hmm, hey Dark Jak, would you mind movie a few inches that away-, please? *DJ: *smirks and scoots over* Thank you! : 3; Ok, from this conveniently placed hole in this bunker thing, I can see Dax, Jak, Gol and Torn. Oh, man! Not that old raspy creepy jerk…. K, anyway, while they vigorously hunt the place for us, let's go through some ways to torture Gol's sister, Maia

*somewhere else….* Maia: Hmmmm... Last time I checked, that blonde hero was hunting for that little, short-eared fan girl…. So how come I suddenly have this feeling of gnawing dread deep within my being... (Me: … *evil grin*) Here we go!

Maia Acheron: Canon (Precursor Legacy) Role-Villainess

Repeatedly call her a Barbie doll wannabe

Whenever she says something particularly menacing, whisper loudly that she must be "PMSing…."

Keep nagging with the question of why her brother's hair can float magically in the wind while hers doesn't?

Tell her that her long blonde hair makes her look like and evil Barbie doll (sort of a continuation of number one… I guess…)

While she's asleep/ or not looking, sneak up and chop off her hair. (Buzz cuts work out nicely for the purpose of her annoyance. And wrath). You may want to find the nearest warp gate….

Leave GolXMaia-(Fluff or Smut) (Acheroncest—as appalling as it is…simple cute stories of being siblings won't cut it) fan fiction for her to find. Or, find/write X-rated smut of her paired with others (preferably with the same gender) and make sure everyone gets a look at it. Run for it!

Dye her hair green. Or pink…Heck, go crazy and make it tie-dye!

Call her a Xena (sp?) wannabe with that tube top armor shirt she wears….

Keep interrupting her with phrases like, "You're doing it wrong…." Or, "Stop/You're trying to hard…" While pointing to her outfit

Follow her around singing "They're coming to take you away!"

Convince her Gol is plotting to betray her

*In reference to # 11* and, vice versa.

Call her an old hag repeatedly

Run up to her and pinch her on the cheeks while talking to her in a baby voice saying things like, "Oh, come here pumpkin! Lemme at those chubby little cheeks of yours!" Run for the presumably ticked off sagess.

Ask her why she always puts up with being second fiddle to her brother

Repeat everything she says (well, almost anything…)

Tug on her hair multiple times in quick succession then scatter

Call her a mop-head

Address her by shouting, "Hey, ya dumb blonde! What's up?"

Keep saying her outfit is so "Last year."

Refuse to call her anything than two face or zebra face…

Spread the rumor that Samos and Maia had an affair and that Keira's mom is actually Maia. RUN!

Place a large fan behind her. Crank it up to full power/speed. Let it rip! Say you wanted he hair to move wonderfully like Gol's does

Replace her armor like shirt with pink, frilly dresses. When she attempts to brutally torture you for it, claim that she looks so pretty in pink.

Post blown-up yuri (girlxgirl) pictures of her that pairs her with Keira, Ashelin, Rayne, the Geologist, Tess (Sorry, Tess-chan!), hmm, I think that's about all the main female characters of the series. (Though it is entirely possibly I missed a character. Keep in mind; I haven't played the Frontier game yet).

When she threatens or monologues evilly roll your eyes and yell sarcastically, "Riiiiiight and your boobs _aren't _implants!" Run away!

Sneak up on her and yell as loudly as you can in her ear

Dismiss her, referring to her as, "Gol's annoying little groupie/sidekick"

Call her a fly

Steal her boots. Dunk them in dark eco. Hide for an indefinite period of time

When she finishes speaking ask her, "And how does that make you _feel?"_

Poke her

Continuously ask her if she's always compensating for something by being more sadistic than her brother.

Call her Grandma plenty of times

Tell her in a bored tone of voice that she's just a copy of her brother (actually, I read that they are in fact twin siblings…..)

When both Acherons are present, yell, "And Maia says _she's _the stronger twin! Run away when they realize the deception

Play the Milkshake song whenever she's present

Pour flour on her

Splash water on her and act disappointed when she doesn't melt. Scram!

Make as many puns out of her name as possible (ex- Me-oh…. And Oh Maia gosh! Etc...")

Ask her if she used to be a play bunny…. Run for the hills!

Call her a hussy… many times…

Braid her hair into pigtails with lots of pretty bow, ribbons etc. Distance yourself from her.

OK! Wow! 43 suggestions for Maia Acheron! Don't get me wrong, Maia's cool but certain aspects of her are so easy to poke fun at….. Ok, now that that's done, *ahem* If any of you want to add to the list please PM me or leave it in a review ! And also, please, if you wouldn't mind, share with others on this little thing. I'd like to get lots of feedback on this! Ok, got that out of the way, let's check in on how the character's search is going on… I'm sure Maia will be more than happy to join in on the search…. After she finishes scratches my eyes out and slowly peeling my skin off with her fingers….*whimpers* Hold me, Dark Jak! *hugs empty air* *curses in a colorful language under her breath*

(Meanwhile…..)

Daxter: Ugh… this is hopeless! We're never gonna find her… Why are we hunting for this chick again?

Torn: *growls* because, _rat,_ no one humiliates me and lives….

Daxter: *rolls eyes* Touchy….

Torn: Shut up and keep looking….

Daxter: *mumbles* Yea, yea…Keep your tattoos on….*in louder voice* Hey, wait! Look! Was this door in the ground yesterday?

Me: *thinks* "****….. *must- make- sure of eco-proof locks!*, *scurries to check**_Phew, they're secured_.*

Torn: No… *thinks…then an evil smirks crawls on his face….* I think we got her….*pulls out talk box* Gol, Jak, Sig! Get back to the hideout! I have a hunch where the little *censored*

Gol: *cackles into box* the armies are leading us to her scent and *is cut off by loud, blood0curdlign scream! "Maia! Sister, what's wrong!

Maia: My hair! My clothes! Ahhhhh! WTF is this!

Gol: We'll meet you at the underground chamber…. That little fan girl creature just added a long, horrendous dark torture to her list of punishments….

Me: *thinks* Oh, noes!* Dark Jak, where are you! * *sudden pounding overhead*

Torn: Come out, come out…..*sound of door crashing in*

Maia: WHERE IS SHE!

*stunned silence*

Torn: Oh… my….

Daxter:*bursts into laughter*

Jak: So, uh…. When do you want to spend future mother-in-law/future son-in law bonding... *smack* Ow!

Samos: *pukes*

Keira/Tess/Rayne*outraged and horrified beyond words and reasons….*

Gol: That little ***** is so ****ing dead….*shudders* Dark eco hasn't messed us up _that_ horribly….

Sig: *cocks peacemaker* Stand back, everyone….

And end scene! So… Am I mere moments aware from being maimed, slaughters and flayed. Will they listen to pleas of mercy? Will we ever find out who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Heh-heh, sorry. And I think I figured out a good explanation to why I can't find Dark Jak… And I seriously need Light Jak's time powers to sneak me out of here…Seriously, right under their noses and they still find me… I should've been safe here! It was supposed to be freaking obviously and brilliantly obscure that they wouldn't check it! Well, the door's sealed and can only be activated with a certain vocal command by my voice… so ha! Oh, how'd I make it? I had Dark Jak dig it for me…. Well, 'till next time….


	6. Erol

Hi everyone, I -OO'''' - Wait, no, ahh! *ducks away from thrown heavy blunt objects* ok, ok, I know it's been awhile but please take into consideration that I had dental **surgery **yesterday (I think I had my four wisdom teeth extracted… I'll double check to make sure but still. I'm sorry I took so long, but I'll try to update more frequently! Ok, when last time on the "How to annoy the Jak and Daxter characters", I gave ideas on how to annoy Maia… and I think it's safe to say she's all ready to claw my eyes out and slit my throat. Not only that, but *tremble* I think my hiding spot's been compromised. Listen!

*pounding overhead* Torn: Come out, come out….

Daxter: Look, you little freaky fan girl, either you come out now, or we blast this door open!

Me: *thinks: _He's not even three feet tall and he calls __**me **__little…. Wow…._

Maia: *screeches* you have three seconds to come out… and when you do… a split second left to live….

Samos: Get out of there or I'll turn you into a fern!

Sig: *shoots* Yow! The chili pepper must've eco and bullet proofed the doors. Looks like we'll have to wait…

Krew: That's good, eh? Gives us more time to cook up desirable punishments…

Jak: Aren't you all being a little tough on her? She's just a kid….

Daxter: Jaaaaaak! Have you forgotten about the… ugh, yaoi?

Jak: Those were obviously photo shopped, Dax…. *they all start to advance on him…* Ok, I'll talk to her and try to convince her to come out to make amends ok….

Others: *grumbling agreement*

Gol: I'd hardly call making amends *gasp* appropriate punishments…..

Jak: …. One step at a time….

Maia: *seethes*

My voice*suddenly coming out of nowhere around the room they're in* Nyah! I'm not coming out, you psychos!

Jak: Whoa… that's creepy…

Me: *ignores them and turns to Dark Jak* Ok, DJ, while they're busy trying to get in here to kill me, let's have some fun with Erol!

Dark Jak: *smirks evilly and sharpens claws*

Me: No, DJ…. Not, _that _kind of fun... At least not until later. Maybe.

**Disclaimer:** Ok, I don't own Jak and Daxter, ok? Must I do this every chapter? Now, on to Erol, the stupid, obsessed prick!

Steal his racing mask and run around Haven city with it (Thanks, Ecoseeker247!)

Yell at him for calling Jak an eco-freak even an Eco Freak even after he's been turned into a robot (Thanks again Ecoseeker247 :3 ) and yea, seriously, talk about a hypocrite.

Follow him around singing, "If you were gay"

Ask him repeatedly what he meant by "I want more than just to win, eco-freak, I want _you! _

Ask him why he's so keen on getting so close to Jak

Continually say his Cyber-Errol persona is a "Transformers" knockoff

Follow up what he says with, "Spoken like a true lady."

Ask him if he became mostly metal in order to compensate for something

Call him a clown whenever you see him

Ask him why he commander uniform looks like a hot wheels car design

When he talks about Jak, make smooching noises

Pretend to kick him in the 'nads. Then make a perfectly, innocently confused face while asking how come he doesn't have any. Run.

Throw vials of Dark eco at him. Or rather, vials of facsimiles of dark eco at him

When he's in earshot, snicker at how he exploded on the racing track with the sentiments, "Champions aren't supposed to explode (I'd be happy to give anyone who'd like to see it instructions on where to see a video where Erol does explode. )

Lock him in a room with Torn.

Better yet, with metal heads

Call him a 'has-been' racer

Paint his mask pink

Tie dye his uniform

Shave his hair

Blast the capirihina (sp?) dance when he's asleep.

Sneak Ashelin's underwear into his dresser. Record when he finds it. Send to both Baron and Ashelin'. Watch the fun commence

Spread rumors that Erol wants to do dirty, nasty things with Baron Praxis. Write fake letter to Praxis with Errol's signature

Tell him racing has been banned

Line the racing circuit with his underwear.

Hire thugs to beat him up for kidnapping poor Jak

Ask if he and Torn ever 'got together' during their years in the Krimson Guard

Smack him upside the head several times

Steal his weapons and replace them with lookalikes that fire flowers

Put whoopee cushions in his racing car

Place looped videos of him crashing into eco all over Haven city

Refer to him as an epic failure

Ask him why he's so hung up over a younger guy

Tell Keira that Erol tried to start a romantic relationship with Jak. Watch what happens.

Push him into the Underground hideout one day when there are plenty of armed agents present, including Torn and Jak.

Steal his wardrobe and replace it with cute bunny costumes and pretty prep outfits

Spray paint all over his possessions, "Gay Pride or paint pretty rainbows all over his stuff.

Ask him if he secretly wants to be a woman in order to have a chance with Jak.

Tell him to stop trying so hard, as he's basically cannon fodder for the yaoi fans.

And, there! I'm sorry if this sucked so badly! Please, I can probably make this better and I'm open to more suggestions! Ecoseeker247, thank you again for your suggestions! =D Yay! Ok and now let's see what the other characters are up to! Oh, also, I'm going to update the other characters. (But don't worry, I'll place a note in the most current chapters when I do so you all know which I updated and I'll mark when.)

Ok, whoo, now let's use this handy, if not convenient, distance viewer to see how the others are trying to get their hands on me… Dark Jak, hold me! *he does so* Yay.

Torn: *carving and blasting away*

Gol: *attempting to teleport but the shield prevents him from getting inside*

Daxter: Look, you wacko, are you going to keep hiding or are you going to face us and take your punishment like a man?

Me:*though speakers* I'm…I'm a girl….

Maia: You're going to be lurker bait soon!

Jak: Listen, you're in enough trouble, come out and just apologize…

Torn: Jak…..

Krew: Jak, my boy, maybe you should sit this one out, eh? You';; get a turn soon enough….

Jak: *eye roll*

Me: Come on guys, it was all in good fun... Surely it's not worth killing me over…

Gol: *chuckles sadistically* I'm not planning to merely kill you…..that'd be too easy…

Me: Ahhhhhhh!

*BAM!

?: *colorful sweaeing*

Torn: Erol? You! Get him!

Erol: *is tackled mercisselly by Jak, Sig, and Daxter

Gol & Maia: Who's Erol?

Me: Read the Jak and Daxter wiki! :D

Erol: Stop! GET OFF ME! Where is that little runt of a fan?

Jak: *stares then alughs* Nice costume…

Torn: Hey, wait! Look over there!

Maia: Grrrr… what is it?

Torn: Is.. That door…. It doesn't look like it was put there by the Underground.

Keira: Hey, yea... Daddy, what do you think?

Samos: *goes and opens It.* What? *adjusts glasses* There's nothing in here.. But... a, slide? What?

Me: *freezes* Oh, crap! I forgot to lock the door.

Torn: *smirks evilly* I'll check it out. Cover me.

Me: * races to put locks on it.

Torn: *yells in sadistic glee*

Me:*waits in the shadows*

Torn* Lands on the thick mattress… on the bottom floor of the bunker.

Me: *silently and quickly activates slide shield*

Torn: Well, well, well… looks like you made a fatal mistake… and now, you have me to ansert to…

Me: Eep…

Torn: If you have pleas for mercy, say them now and I may be lenient.

Me: *gets out taser*

Torn: *turns around and sees me half in shadow*

Me: Ok, ok, you got me. *walks slowly to him*

Torn* gets out his knife and starts playing with it* You know, humiliating me is quite *leans close to my face* unhealthy *smirks*

Me: *gulps* Yes, but so is underestimating a fan girl *uses taser

Torn: OO'''' *collapses in an unconscious heap*

Well, see you all next time. Now, I got a hot ex-KG commander in my hidewaway and the others still want my head on a platter. But, until next time. See ya!


	7. Ashelin Praxis

Hi, everyone! Time for lucky number chapter 7! Yay! Ok, when we last left the cast, Torn got tazed (*innocent smile*), the others are waiting to get a turn to shoot/shat/cut/maim/mutilate me and then there's when Torn woke up and started chasing me and Fire-Eco-Sage and just when we thought we found refuge in an office. BAM! Erol and the dark makers find s and now, maybe through a plot hole or a rift, we're…somewhere. Torn's still close by, by the way. Ready to use that dagger of his… well, if he does, maybe he'll use it onscreen….Ok, before we pass a guide n how to annoy another character, let's check in with the somehow not broken remote viewer.

(A thousand- ok, no, just, no, I will not get Little Kuriboh fans angry with me by using his gimmicks in a non-Yugioh based fanfic. But anyway, in the little TV-part of the device I see Keira trying to pry open the side door to the twisty slide leading to the bunker. Samos and Gol are interrogating Dark Jak. Wait…. Nooooooooooo! DJ! Oh, wait no, they're just yelling at each other. Tess and Rayne are talking with Krew. Daxter is making funny faces at Gol's back. Maia's sharpening a giant sword… and... Um…. Ok, let's just, listen in right now…

Gol: *Gasp* you old fool, if we use that method. *gasp* we'll never break through...

Samos: Be quiet or I'll turn you into a fern!

Keira: Daddy, I've been scanning for signs of life within the bunker, but nothing's coming up… There was a sort of strange anomaly I noticed…

Tess: *scowling* you don't think…

Maia: *screeches* the brat's escaped!

Jak: Not only that, but Torn hasn't reported in!

Daxter: I'm sure Tattooed *snicker* Blunder is perfectly fine. He can take on a 5'3, short eared human, can't he?

Tess: Daxxie, never underestimate a fan girl…

Sig: Hey, where's Erol gone off to? He disappeared all of a sudden….

Me: Heh-heh… thank you Fire-Eco-Sage… well, at least Erol Is perfectly lost and confused miles and miles away. Even though the device tells me Torn's on some sort of zoomer scouring for us…but, we've got good cover, for now. But, ok everyone, Fire-Eco-Sage gave me great tips on how to torture, drumroll please *silence* Maybe I should get Melvin from YGOTAS to give you all 'hugs'. Nah, I'm just kidding, here we go: How to torture Ashelin Praxis! The first two are contributed to Fire-Eco-sage san! =D

*(added 6/5) Ask Ashelin if she's going to counseling for her "daddy" problems. (Thanks Katya Katastrophe!)

Ask Ashelin why she was dating a teenager when she had Torn (*coughJak 3 anyone? Cough*)

Take some pictures of Ashelin kissing Jak and sell them to an editor. Then, send the newspaper to Ashelin's door. (May I add on to this that you'd better run? And don't look back…..)

In continuation of the JakXAshlein thing, blow of pictures of Jak and Ashelin kissing, and post them in Haven City, Kras City, and well, um, I guess in the main rooms of the palace.

Scold her repeatedly for giving up her birthright as (I think she's considered a princess-like figure) to become a commander of the Krimson guard

Bring the up the question of why she didn't help break Jak out from the fortress before he had to suffer through two years of dark eco questions.

Tell her father she's working with the Underground. Run.

Put recordings of her father voice throughout the underground base and play them when she's present. Watch what happens.

Throw sweaters at her while yelling, "Cover up!"

Show her slash fan fiction pairing her with other female characters

Ask her how she's related to suck a ****

Poke her tattoos saying sarcastically, "Nice makeup."

Let a rumor slip that Torn's cheating on her

Steal her undergarments and plant them in Torn's stuff

Throw Daxter in the shower while she's taking a shower (that sounds kind of redundant, doesn't it?)

Call her a cougar

And a double timer. This goes for the Jak/Torn thing and the war

Call her a she-witch

Ask her why her midriff looks so doll-like?

Ask her if she constantly feels the need to put her hands on her hips due to some sort of OCD condition

Call her a spoiled brat

Say her main purpose is to be eye candy

Fabricate evidence that shows that Ashelin was never on the Underground's side

Dye her hair pink

Dump a truck load of Barbie dolls and cute plushies in her room

ug RuHugHug her calling her, "Mommy."

Asl who wears thSsAs Ask who wears the pants in her relationship

Ok, that may be the shortest list. But once again, if you have anything you'd like to add, feel free to PM me and I'll update ASAP. This goes for all chapters I've done, am doing, or will do. Ok, now let's see what's happening with everyone else. *sends the list throughout the satellite broadcasting system*

Samos: We need to find the girl! This is dangerous paraphernalia she's spreading around!

Keira: Daddy! Look at this! *(is pointing out the underground door*

Jak: What, what is… oh my….

Daxter: This will not end well…

Keira: Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!

Torn: *somewhere else, pauses* was that an echo of a trembler brought on by a burst of seismic fury I just felt?

Me: Well, I think it's safe to say that Jak and Ashelin's days are numbered.

*in the bunker*-

Jak: Now, Keira, please, just, hear- ahhh! *dodges chair, then dodges lamp* Keira, stop! Please! You'll kill me!

Keira: That's the idea!

Samos: Young lady, I order you to *is bonked on the head by a wayward object*

Maia: Oo''''

Gol: O…O''''' Maybe we would've had a better challenge battling Hagai's daughter than the blonde and the rat… *gasp*

Keira*turns and hisses at the Acheron siblings*

Gol and Maia: *squeak in terror*

Tess: Keira, please, listen to reason, I know you're upset but wouldn't it be safer to just… ooof! *Keira throws herself in Tess' arms, sobbing* Oh, Keira…

Me: Well, at least Sig's there to protect the others. FES, let's keep walking onward! Yay!

FES: =D I just hope Torn doesn't catch up before we get a good refuge….

Me: …. At least he doesn't have magic powers...


	8. Samos Hagai

Ummmmm….. Before you all get out lethal weapons, I'm sorry for not updating in over a week… and to make up for it I will try to post more than one chapter at a time (the cast of Jak and Daxter: NOOOOOOO! ) and hopefully appease you all. Ok, the last chapter we had tips on how to annoy Ashelin Praxis and uh, things got a bit messy (Jak: A bit messy? I may have brain damage! Besides, did me and Ashelin even really _kiss? _The shot was*is hit with a tranquilizer dart*) and "off-screen" a brave reviewer named The Dancing Blade escaped the clutches of the angry characters. Can you believe that they tried to kill them just for defending me by saying I had good intentions? Meanies. But! TDB managed to propel us into space and get us safely away from the vengeful characters. And we have company! Dark Jak and Light Jak.

Fire-Eco-Sage: Awww... Isn't that sweet? Dark Jake glomped you x3

Me: Tee-hee *is glomped again* *laughs in relish*

The Dancing Sage: Hey Light Jak, would you mind making a dimensional portal so we can see what the characters are doing?

Light Jak: *smiles and nods*

Me: *turning slightly* Hmm... *stands up while holding DJ's hand* Well, since we're in space at least we-

The dancing Blade: Nooo! DJ! Cover her mouth!

DJ: *does so but tilts head in confusion

Me: Oo'' *struggles and mumbles incoherent ramblings that oddly sound like what-what was that for!

Fire-Eco-Sage: Hey yea, good thinking. You were about to jinx us!

Me: *sweat drops*

DJ: *uncovers mouth and pulls me in for a warm hug*

Me: I'm not mad at you DJ-kun. But yeah, they're right. I could've put us in serious jeopardy by carelessly saying something like: at least they can't get us now and … whoops….

The Dancing Blade and Fire Eco sage: *face palm* we'd better formulate a plan B and fast…

Me: I'm sorry…..

(Meanwhile: Torn is vigorously hunting through some... random…. Jungle… when he gets a call on his communicator*

Torn: What! What is it? (Obviously he's in a stressful mood)

Jak: Torn! Torn! Get back to the Underground! I'm under fire and the authoress, along with my alter egos and two cohorts have jettisoned into space and-

Keira: (angrily and very icily) ..

Torn: Hagai? Everything alright?

Keira: *growls lowly*

Torn: ok, ok. *finds warp gate about ten minutes later and lands close to the Underground where Gol, Daxter, Maia, the girls-excluding Keira-, Jak and Sig are waiting)

Torn: Alright. I'm here.

Daxter: No! Really?

Torn* *narrows eyes* Can it you moron.

Sig: Alright, cherries! Pipe down. Seems as though the authoress was able to find an ally with a rocket ship and blasted off. Luckily the dark makers' ship was rebuilt and kept safely hidden in an underground chamber.

Maia: *has already flown off to get to the ship*

Sig: yea... So let's move doughboys!

(Meanwhile on the fan fiction express spaceship…. XD….)

Me: *is watching the earlier conversation* I can only say I'm sorry….

LJ: *pats my shoulder reassuringly*

Me: *smiles slightly.* thanks LJ :3

Ok, well, while we wait for a confrontation, let's get to the how to guide. The character to annoy is: Samos! =D. Ok, since Samos has two, uh, I should say personas (Young/Old) I'll have (hopefully) a nice considerable-sized list this time. Ok, here's how it'll work. For now, I'll split how-to annoy suggestions for both Samos the sages in this chapter and mark a separate section for each. And if you think I should separate the list into two different chapters just drop a pm and I'll do that and rename it accordingly. So, without further ado, let's see how we can bug Samos Hagai, the green eco sage!

Disclaimer: (Um… did I forget to add this in for some of the chapters? I'll have to double check) Ok, I DO NOT own Jak and Daxter or any related content. Ok? Ok. Let's get to the list, dang it. XD

Part I. Old Samos (canon –precursor legacy-Jak X) role: ally

Call him a birdbrain multiple times in reference to the little yellow/blue bird that follows him around.

Steal his walking stick and use it for firewood. Or, whack him over the head with it, claiming revenge for the times he thumped Daxter's head with it.

When you're around him point and scream in mock horror, "Walking vegetables! AHHH!" while running in circles, ranting about the evil green veggie coming to 'get you'.

Poke him and ask him how he can be out of bed with gangrene. Try hauling him to the nearest clinic and see how far before he uses his power to force you away from him

When he's not aware, cut the log out of his hair and braid the remaining hair follicles. Hide…

Follow him around singing, "there's a bump on the log…", make up your own verses as you go along xD, until he threatens to turn you into a fern

Say that he wears diaper like clothes because due to his old age he has lost control of his bowel movements. Distance yourself

Dress up as Maia (if female) or Gol (if male, if you prefer) and try to capture him

Call him a string bean (despite his not so 'stringy' body shape)

Take his glasses and switch them with bifocals or ones that let you see the world in different colors.

Pester him with questions on why his glasses rims are different sizes

Pour barrels of a dark substance (while pretending its oil or another non-environmentally friendly counterpart) on any fauna, flora, or greenery where Samos' attention is focused on. Hopefully he won't get a heart attack

Attack him with a brush claiming that you wanted to get the green off of him

Call him a male Elpheba (sp?) (no offense to any fellow Wicked fans)

Call him a hypocrite in the fact that he's described as a pacifist yet takes control in battle situation

Send him detailed descripts of harmful activities which damage the environment

In reference to the Maia chapter, ask him various times if Keira is her daughter and make it unknown you don't believe him if he denies it

Ask him why he's cosplaying as a fairy tale wizard**(1)**

Challenge him to a physical match. Make chicken noises when/if he declines(Remember, since green eco involves plants and nature, and not violence, it's safe to assume he will decline)(2)

Ask why the other sages' wear cool outfits and he has a freaking log as a head accessory?

Dump a bucket of termites on him. Watch the fun unfold.

When you see him shout, "Someone get a bucket! This guy looks ready to puke!, upon pointing out his green skin

Sign him up for anger management classes, since his temper is easy to flare up, especially when 9acording to the Jak and Daxter wiki) Daxter is involved

Tell him to stop with the charade and just tell Daxter how he really feels (he's considered a father figure to Jak and Daxter and the wiki says he does care deeply for them both. But imo, I've seen him show more of that to Jak rather than Daxter).

Douse his head with fertilizer and water. When he's about to blast you, innocently claim you thought he was a tree stump

Say his log shoes are basically a version of high heels

Call him the old green hobbit

Follow him around singing, "Keira is overprotected…." And so on so forth

When he's lecturing you, pretend to not be listening and smile while saying, "I'm sorry, but could you repeat that" until he's ready to turn into plant mulch

Bug him about the identity of Keira's mother. If he doesn't give you a straight answer, claim she's adopted

Release a swarm of locusts in the Underground/Freedom League headquarters. Run. (This.. may make Torn come after to you too, 'cause, after all, he _is _the second in command in the rebellion

When he's making plans cut him of saying, "Oh, please, we all know Torn's the real leader of this thing... (I got this idea from a fanfic!)

Again with the outfit. Point at him while yelling, "wah, wah, baby Samos want milk! (Uh, you might want to modify this phrase….-credit to Little Kuriboh xD )

Call him a tree hugger

Say repeatedly that no one listens to him because he's a hippie (watch Scottish Duck's LP of Jak II to get this x3 the part is called 'Hippie Samos'.)

Shaved his beard. Or pour honey/glue/paint in it, along with any gunk or beads and whatnot in it. RUN!

Tell him that Gol captured him because he loves him. You may want to get away

Ask why he didn't warn Jak of the dangers of Haven City if he had knowledge of the future (Hence the line, "So this is how it happened…")

Take Daxter and throw him at Samos (Hopefully this doesn't get the animal cops after you….)

Set him up on a blind date with Torn. (Torn: Must… kill…fan girl…)

Send people after him on charges of neglect towards Jak and Daxter. Because seriously, who would send two young boys are such a dangerous quest?

Ok, that's it for Samos. Ok, I changed my mind. I'm going to post separate chapters for Young and Old Samos because this list got to forty one. Please don't be angry! At least you get two chapters that way, albeit of the same person with the difference being age/time periods.

Ok, now let's check in on the others.

Fire-Eco-Sage: Ok, you're sure this cloaking device will be able to even fool Samos, Gol, and Maia?

The Dancing Blade: Well, since the three of us aren't eco users we'll be personally harder to find, but as for Light and Dark Jak… Gol'll be able to sense them… More with DJ than LJ, so maybe we can find some way to…

(SFX-alarm!) AHHH! Are we about to crash? Meteor storm? Solar flare? Is Melvin here?

*record scratch*

Fire-Eco-Sage: Melvin? From YGOTAS? Seriously?

Me: *shrugs and smiles in embarrassment* can't help it. It's pop culture….

The Dancing Blade: *fiddling with the monitor and buttons: Uh-oh. Bad news, you two. It seems as though we have company…. Take a look. *pulls up a static-filled screen only for Gol's face to appear)

Me: *censored* *hides behind Dark Jak*

Gol *smirks evilly* Hello, children….

Fire eco sage & The Dancing Blade: AHHHHH!

Well, talk about a cliffhanger *is chased by a mob of angry readers* Ahhh! Im updating within less than two-three hours! Calm down! Gaahhhh!

The mob: *is satisfied*

Ok, wow, this is the beginning of the sixth page of this chapter, so hopefully you enjoyed it and stay tuned for Young Samos! Once again: if you have anything you'd like to add to any of these chapters be sure to PM me or place it in a review! =D Oh, and I also posted sort of slide-show like amv of a certain sage to my YT account (thetwillightqueenkh2) so if you'd like to, check it out! : 3


	9. Young Samos

Hey everyone, I—

Readers: :(

Umm, yea I know you were expecting more updates only a couple of hours or so after I posted chapter 8, but sorry! I get distracted and that's got to stop or at least be reined under control. But anyway, since I left off at a good part, it'll be easier for me to, well; I guess get into the flow of the chapters. (And FES, I think I made a plot hole by saying you weren't an eco-user last chapter but yea….Correct me if I'm wrong, please, though. Anyway, I'm correcting that mistake by saying... It was a mistake, so FES will most likely use red eco to help in the (plot element withheld). Ok, when we last left off, we received an alarm which signaled that we've been discovered by the characters and of course who would pop up on the communication screen other than Gol Acheron…. Is-is it because he's the first person I did a How-To annoy guide on? (Gol: *nods*) Hmm or, maybe because he's the oldest… (Gol: Hey! : C) Wait, who's older: Samos or Gol? Wait, Gol calls Samos an old fool so I guess Gol's younger (Gol: *grits teeth*). Ok enough of that rambling; let's check in with what's happening. It seems as though TDB flipping him off annoyed him more to the point of getting ready to blast us into oblivion.

Me: *silently sobbing and hiding behind Dark Jak*

The Dancing Blade: Well, if it isn't good, old Blue Meanie, himself?

Fire Eco Sage: *tries to cover mouth to keep from snickering*

Me: *stays silent and behind Jak but smiles-somewhat*

Gol: *growls lowly*

Fire Eco Sage: To what do we owe your… unpleasant appearance? *smirks*

Gol: It's nothing for you to worry about *gasp* I'm more interested in speaking to the one whom *gasp* published these dangerous suggestions ….

The Dancing Blade: *eye roll* Oh, come on! Don't tell me the big bad; Gol Acheron is ticked off because of fan fiction! Same goes for those so called heroes and that creepy sister of yours!

Fire Eco Sage: Yea! Get over yourselves! It's just silly little things meant to make people laugh.

Me: *squirms and clutches the back of DJ's shirt* *in tiny whisper* Yea, trying to make people laugh….

Gol: *narrows eyes* they ruined us! *GASP* our enemies are discovering our *gasp* vulnerabilities….

The Dancing Blade *squeezes* LJ's hand for comfort* Well, you and the other villains deserve it…. Dumbass…

Gol: *hisses in warning* Where. Is. She?

Me: *squeaks* thinking: 'Maybe I should've gone to another universe to hide….'

Fire Eco Sage: She who?

Gol: *eyes flicker closely to Dark Jak* Hmmm…. Dark creature, move three feet to the left…

Dark Jak: *growls*

Fire Eco Sage: *realizes Gol's plan* Do it DJ, otherwise he won't shut up until you do *winks at me*

Me: 'Hey this is like in that one episode of the Cosby show! *nods in understanding*

Dark Jak: *takes moderate steps three feet while I mimic his movements like a shadow*

Gol: Again….

Me: *Jeez…

Dark Jak: *does so*

Me: *mimics but at the last second, loses balance and falls flat on the floor*

DJ, LJ, FES, &TDB: *sweat drop*

Me: Well, this is just ****ing perfect…. *against my better judgment, I look at the screen. Then feels face heat up….*

Gol: *face darkens in sheer fury * you…

Me *loses nerve and gets up and bolts* ! *races down a hallway*

Gol: Get back here! *GASP*

The others: *chase after me* Wait! Princess! Come back! You gotta send out suggestions on the younger Samos!

Me: AHHHHHHHH! *still running but then suddenly stops*

Dark Jak: *catches up and pulls me in a close hug*

Me: He's gonna kill me! But… ok, I have a job to do… Yosh! Ok, everyone, while I get my nerve back to talk to the characters, let's fill your heads with tips on how to annoy the young Samos the sage!

*walks and finds unattended computer and readies satellites*

Disclaimer: Dis *I*don't claim! XD*

Ask Young Samos (I'll refer to him as YS, giving you the heads up now) why he's called the 'Shadow' when he's clearly green? (Got this idea from Scottish Duck's LP of Jak II- it's in part 19). Ask at least a few times per hour.

In reference to number one, call him something like, The Emerald Guardian (same video –look in the comment section). If he doesn't get annoyed by it(chances are, it'll be considered a good name), even after being called it a considerable amount of times, then call him something like Grand Daddy Rocky! (Get it? Nature? Rocks? Anyone? Uh, never mind. Moving right along….)

Call him an egg head (notice the bird that follows Old Samos around, YS has an egg in its place for most, if not all of the game).

Call him Old Moss.

During an intense battle situation, yell out for YS to use his 'Flower Power! (In reference to his power over nature). You may want to back away

When you see him, attack his log with a shaving device, attempting to rid the log of that 'filthy algae'. Run before he makes you into mulch

Become convinced that YS grows illegal drugs. Attempt to bribe, threaten, or coerce YS into growing you some.

If you can't convince YS to do so, call the KG/ or the Freedom League officers, and try convincing the Underground that YS is in fact, growing drugs. Leave the city for a while. 'Cause they most likely will be a bit upset at the trickery and slander.

Pretend you don't see him and dramatically trip over him. Then, in your best angry voice yell, "Watch where you're going, you little green hobbit!' Then, repeat it but make sure Samos knows you saw him before you did it….

When you use him, point and shriek, "Alien!' Help! Help!'

Pluck the egg from his log and play monkey in the middle with YS as the monkey and Daxter as your partner in crime. If the egg smashes, RUUUUN!

Address him as a little hippie and use hippie like slang whenever you speak to him, while saying slang every two words.

Replace important items in the Underground with things like incense, peace medallions, and etc., and tell Torn that the Shadow is taking a new route with the rebellion effort. Hide when they realize who's really at fault

The egg again. Take the egg. Study its designs. Hide it someplace safe. Color a bird-free egg the same design and feed it to YS while showing the discarded egg shells. Hopefully, he won't have a heart attack.

Make numerous puns out of his name. For instance. (I am known as the Shadow- *Wow, then you must be pretty shady, huh?)

While he's talking to you, focus your attention on a real shadow and pretend its YS, and look surprised at his presence when he gets fed up enough to force your attention back on him. Say something like, "Hey, quiet little greenie! I'm talking to the shadow!" while pointing at a real shadow.

Poke him repeatedly asking, 'What kind of shadow is _green?"_

Ask him why he doesn't get along with his older self? Keep asking until he threatens to throw you into the metal head nest

If/When both Samoses are present; shove YS onto OS (old Samos XD) and shout, "Stop touching each other! You'll cause a time paradox!" Then run around shrieking how've they 'destroyed us all!'

Pinch his nose and cheeks and call him a cutie pie, saying he's so much more adorable then his older self, but make baby noises while proceeding to ask what happened to make him less attractive back in Sandover

Show YS raunchy fan fiction pairing him with his older self if there's any in existence) then remark with a question, "but… aren't you guys essentially the same person? Wouldn't it be…?" Make a run for it…

Snatch the life seed. Send it to Pecker. Watch as the mayhem unfolds.

Destroy the rift rider before YS goes back in time, or better yet, use it to bring Gol and Maia to the future to meet both Samoses. Watch the fun from a safe distance.

Ask him why he really wears rings…

Start a rumor about YS and OS, saying each other started it. If they get into a fist fight, catcall, "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"

Ask him questions about the future

Ask repeatedly why the plants know things "he doesn't know" (got the idea from Scottish duck!)

If someone calls for him tell him that YS is too busy "gossiping with his plant buddies to care about stupid crap like the Underground". Get away as fast as you can. (Once again got the idea from Scottish Duck).

While he's meditation (and this goes for his older self as well, methinks ) sneak up behind him and jump him, or clamp your hands on his shoulder yelling, "I'm gonna kill you!" (Got this idea from that internet meme I saw on YT: D )

OK! Twenty nine suggestions for Young Samos! Once again, please send in any suggestions you have and I'll update the chapter with them! Ok! Here we go! (And I hope this chapter wasn't too lame. And IMO, I think the chapters for both Samoses are interchangeable.)

*sends the list via satellite*

Me: Hey, wouldn't Young Samos be in Sandover by now? Do they even have computers? *wack!* Ow!

FES: No pointing out plot holes! Besides, Gol and Maia should still be trapped in the silos and yet they're here….

TBD: *nods* Yea, so it wouldn't be too far a stretch to say YS would be able to somehow sense that stuff you sent out… besides, it's designed to spread it through the timelines of all games…

Me: And we're in a very alternate reality anyway, I guess… So, I think YS should be reading and being tormented by people doing these things- things possibly from both Samos lists-right about now….

(SFX- Loud alarm and red lights flashing like crazy!)

Me: What now! *shudders* I don't wanna face Gol again! He's creepy…. And scary when he's mad…

TDB: Don't worry we've got LJ and DJ to protect us, right guys?

DJ: *smirks and holds me*

LJ: *smiles reassuringly*

Me: *sniff* Thanks guys. Come on, we'd better go see what's going on…

(10 minutes later)

*arriving in the communications center*

Me: Quick! Make contact with the enemy ship while I head to make sure the defense system's ready for a possible attack

TDB: *raises eyebrow* By yourself?

Me: It's just down the hall. What's the worse-*mouth is suddenly covered by LJ* *

TDB: You _want _to get caught, don't you? *rolls eyes*

Me: *returns the eye roll and mumbles something that vaguely sounds like, 'Of course not!'

FES: Let her go, Light Jak. I'm sure she's seen enough horror films to not say, what's the worst thing that could-*is tackled by DJ

FES: WTF! Jeez, DJ, if you wanted a hug, you just had to ask. *giggles nervously*

TDB: *face palms* I'm going to go check to make sure the escape pods are working.

Me: *wrenches free from LJ's grasp* they're located on the other side of the ship, though! (Don't ask how I instantly know the layout of the ship, LOL.)

FES: *sitting up* that's kind of weird. Not to mention, inconvenient should the worst thing happen and they manage to get on board and *alarm sounding*

Computer voice: Warning: Security Breach! Security Breach!

Large screen overhead: *fizzles in static but then clears to reveal Jak*

Me: Hi! And... Ooooo *OO''''* *notices the death glare he's giving me* Um…

Daxter: *suddenly popping on screen* You're so dead! Dead! You hear me?

Me: Uh... I love you?

Daxter: *growls but is then shoved out of the way by, whom else, Maia

Me: Oh, great, it's her….

Maia: *half in rage, but with an evil smirk* Got you right where we want you. End of the line for you and your propaganda, girlie.

Me: Propaganda? I'm not a dictator trying to brainwash people….*gulps*

TCB: What do you even want Acheron? Where's that gay twin of yours?

Maia: *snarls* Insult my brother against, and you'll be spitting teeth through your forehead…

TCB: *sarcastically* Oh, wow, that was lame… *face palms again*

FES: Hey, this is a waste of time. What happened to Gol? I thought he contacted us?

Maia: *evil smile* Funny you should ask that...

Me: *squeaks* I see nothing funny about it whatsoever!

FES: Hang on, guys, don't you notice they're missing some people?

Me: How can you tell?

FES: *holds up my remote locater*

Me: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Silly me. *peers into the device and sees only Maia, Erol, Krew, and Daxter.)

TDB: What the-? Where are the others?

Me: You... Don't, think, they're…

Maia: You must get better eco shields, darlings, ones they stand up better to the combined efforts of two green eco sages and a master of dark eco.

Me: Oh, *censored*

FES: *nearly hysterical* that security breach!

Me: Spread out! Head for *glances at a listening Maia* the things!

TDB: Give my best to the others, Maia! *shuts off monitor*

Me: Ok, FES, go with Dark Jak. LJ, look after TDB.

TDB: Hang on a second, you're not about to go gallivanting off by yourself are you?

Me: I'm not letting you two get hurt. Besides, I started this thing, I'll take the risk. *hugs LJ and DJ tightly. Then hugs TDB and FES as well.* be safe you guys!

*races from the room as the lights suddenly shut off, plunging the room into darkness*

Me: *pulls walkie talkie thing from subspace: Computer! Make sure LJ, DJ, FES, and TDB get to the pods safely and initiate emergency the defense system!

Computer: Initiating defense system. System online.

Me: Ok, good. Be safe, you four…

*walks a little bit down the corridors*

Me: *whispers to self-* Oh, man, oh man… They're on the ship. I know it! Jak wouldn't kill me, would he? He seemed mad about the yaoi and how I tormented his friends and got his gf pissed at him, but still… If I begged enough... Torn: More likely to kill me… But, he's still a good guy... The Samoses would more likely punish me but not too harshly…. Ashelin may hurt me a bit; Krew will have me shot most likely... Wait; concentrate on those who are most likely on here. Oh, I already covered them. Ok, I need a flashlight

*grabs one from subspace*

*walks towards the escape pods*

Me: Maybe Maia was bluffing… Yea right…

*sudden rustling overhead*

Me*jumps slightly* *thinks- 'Ok, getting a little creepy here*

*another rustling sound*

Me: *Point's flashlight around. But finds nothing there* Wow, I'm scaring myself…

*turns then collides with something solid*

Oof! Hey, what *looks up* !

END scene! *is pelted with rocks* Ok, ok! I left on a cliffhanger there, but who do you guys think it is? Ok, maybe I should ask, who do you want me to have ran into?

Hurry and vote so I can do the chapter on Veger! =D Be sure to add any suggestions in a review/ message! 'Till next time, take care!


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